Parenting Hack: How to Warm a Bottle and Get Your Caffeine Fix at the Same Time

As parents of tiny humans, we all know how difficult it is to get the day started. It’s especially hard when you have a little person with an attitude like this:

I mean, how exactly am I supposed to get ANYTHING done when something so cute and so sassy demands my attention? Well, it’s a challenge. But there are things that need to be done. Like eating. Cleaning. Crying. Oh, wait, that’s just Clark. No crying for me! Especially not today. Because today is a day to celebrate. Today is a day to remember. Today will go down in history as the day a first time mom figured out the best possible use of her multitasking skills. Read and be amazed, people. Read and be amazed.

This morning, I did an awful thing. An awful, terrible, wonderful thing:

I brewed my tea and warmed a bottle at the same time.

Admit it. You think this is genius. I put the bottle in an oversized mug, inserted my tea bag in next, then filled the mug with hot water from the kettle. Voila. I brewed my tea as the bottle warmed. What’s that? You’re thinking this is not so brilliant? Well, it actually is super duper amazingly awesome because I have one less thing to wash later. YAY for doing two things at once! I feel like supermom. For real, though.

But for every act of laziness, I make sure I do two overachieving, obnoxious parenting fauxs. Last night, I practically had a meltdown in Buy Buy Baby over Clark and his education. I mean, the kid is almost three months old (Oct. 31st!), and he knows NOTHING. Brian was trying to explain to Clark what ice cream was, and Clark had no idea. So, at Buy Buy Baby, I took a stand. I was determined to leave with educational materials. And, dammit, I did.

I bought alphabet and concept cards for Clark. What are these, you ask? Well, the alphabet is pretty self-explanatory (ABCDEFGHIJK[elemeno]PQRSTUVWXY&Z), but the concept cards have colors, shapes, and textures. I should mention that the alphabet cards have animals. And Loraxes. Yes, Loraxes. Did you think I could pass up the Dr. Seuss flashcards? I could not. This morning (much to Clark’s amusement) we went through each deck of flashcards twice. He just smiled and giggled. Which I guess is okay. But maybe he’s an idiot. Idon’treallyknow!

Anyway, you’ll have to excuse me, because I haven’t figured out how to clean our apartment and sit on my ass at the same time (yet). YET, PEOPLE!