Cloth Diapers: 27 Questions

As an organic-eating, glass-instead-of-plastic mommy, you would think I’d be a cloth diaper fan. Sadly, my laziness limits my ability to give enough shits about the environment when it comes to Clark’s dirty diapers. Also, my husband is an obsessive coupon clipper, and, so far, we’ve paid no more than $20/month for diapers. I have nothing against cloth diapering, but I am fascinated by the idea. So, if you cloth diaper, I have some questions for you.

1. How often do you do laundry?
2. Do the diapers get stained?
3. What happens when you’re out in public with cloth diapers?
4. Do you put dirty cloth diapers in your clean diaper bag?
5. Are you a hippie?
6. Have you ever dyed your hair?
7. Do you use cloth toilet paper?
8. Is anything you use disposable?
9. Are you now thinking, “Wow, it’s kind of fucked up that I make my baby use the same shit rag, yet I wipe my ass with a fresh piece of toilet paper, and I have a wildly better immune system”?
10. If you weren’t thinking that, are you now?
11. But, really, isn’t it kind of messed up?
12. What did you have for breakfast?
13. Was it your lifelong dream to use adorable diaper pins, but then you found out they were no longer a thing and you were pissed so you decided to cloth diaper in revenge?
14. If that was your methodology, can I please kiss your face because I think that’s awesome?
15. What happens when your baby has a shitsplosion?
16. Do you have a time-turner?
17. If so, can I get one?
18. Why would I think you had a time-turner?
19. Well, where do you find the time to wash cloth diapers?
20. Am I spoiled because my husband does the laundry?
21. Is my husband spoiled because I don’t make him launder cloth diapers?
22. Can someone please tell me when exactly cloth diapering became trendy again?
23. Did you know that “everyone used to cloth diaper” because disposable diapers did not exist?
24. Do you ever wonder if baby feces will end up in your other laundered items?
25. On second thought, has that ever happened?
26. If it has, will you please write a tell-all?
27. Can we be friends even though I EDD (exclusively disposable diaper)?