Things That Should Only Take Five Minutes

Since having Clark, there are several things that should only take a few minutes but instead take half a day. On Wednesday, I set out to make some meatballs and eggplant parm. Okay, five minutes is a little ambitious for both, but, honestly, 20 minutes tops for prep. Instead, I spent the time between 5:15PM and 8:32PM prepping meatballs and eggplant. With that amount of time and dedication, dinner should have been delicious. But I forgot three ingredients in the meatballs and two steps to the eggplant prep. Result? Some super sub-par dinner at 10PM. I blame the stop and go. The 46 hand washes and sing-song conversations with a little, adorable six month old. So, maybe it’s okay that dinner was less than fabulous, but it got me thinking: what else takes forever?

Grocery Shopping

If I take Clark with me to the grocery store, I spend 68 minutes entertaining at him, 42 minutes giving the death stare to anyone who comes near, and 34 minutes shopping. Consequently, I forget most of what I went to the store for. Eggs all day, every day.

Thinking

Yes, processing information takes approximately eight times as long as it did before I had kids. Probably because if it’s quiet enough to hear a question, it’s quiet enough for me to be sleeping with my eyes open. SORRYNOTSORRY.

Sending Thank You Cards

I used to be the Queen of Etiquette when it came to sending thank you cards in a timely manner. By timely, I mean ten minutes after a gift was opened, a handwritten thank you was in the mail. Now? I’m embarrassed to say that a few thank you’s from gifts received in the summer have just gone out. Better late than never?

On the flip side, there are a few things that now take no time at all thanks to Clark-monster-man. Things like…

Showering

I can only take three minutes in the shower. Because that’s all I’m comfortable with accepting on Clark’s end. This means I’m okay with him screaming his lungs out for three minutes, tops, before I feel like the worst mom in the world for putting my hygiene over 24/7 care. (But, if we’re being honest, I justify a shower as a necessity for Clark’s health. Grown-ups got cooties, too.)

Eating

I long for the days when breakfast was a leisurely meal with coffee, enjoyed to the soundtrack of my husband’s laughter against the background of a pristine apartment. (Those days will be back again, right?) Now, I scarf down anything in sight. Cold, forgotten eggplant, anyone?

Hair

Do my hair? Please. It’s called a ponytail holder/elastic and it is a gift from the gods. Also, it’s great at giving me split ends and fly-aways. Because I’m really going for that who “IDGAF” vibe.

There are so many things I’ve over looked, but, frankly, I don’t have the time. Toodles.