Why I Do Not Care About the “Mommy Wars”

Real talk: I am so sick of reading all of these phony “end the mommy wars” posts on popular mom/parenting sites. First of all, it’s not genuine. By dissing the mommy wars, and women who judge other women, you are essentially doing exactly the same thing: judging other moms for their opinions. Second, we all have different ideas. Some women are more opinionated than others. Just because you don’t like how an opinion is expressed doesn’t mean that person shouldn’t be able to share their own opinion. And, finally, the whole “positive” “happy” “omg let’s make heart sandwiches” vibe is revolting. The fact is everyone judges everyone else’s methods. Instead of focusing on individuals, focus on the methods. It’s not a “mommy war” if women are sharing differing opinions on methodology. And it doesn’t mean that we, as moms, hate other women as people. We just hate their ideas. No big deal.

I guess, in a way, I do care about the mommy wars. The mommy wars are valuable. The mommy wars raise questions. The mommy wars challenge us to reflect on our parenting skills. The mommy wars make us better moms.

We need the mommy wars to keep us in line. To read a furious defense on spanking and think, “Wow, do I really want to be this lunatic?” (I hope your answer is no, because the collective quotations that comprise that post is, clearly, bat-shit-crazy. Honestly, an adult hitting a child is never okay. The fact that a popular mommy site would publish an article entitled “In Defense of Spanking” is absolutely gross. Feel free to post your hate-comments.)

“I really think it’s crazy that we hit our kids. It really is–here’s the crazy part about it. Kids are the only people in the world that you’re allowed to hit. Do you realize that? They’re the most vulnerable, and they’re the most destroyed by being hit. But it’s totally okay to hit them. And they’re the only ones! If you hit a dog they fucking will put you in jail for that shit. You can’t hit a person unless you can prove that they were trying to kill you. But a little tiny person with a head this big who trusts you implicitly, fuck ’em. Who gives a shit?” – Louis C.K.

Anyway, back to the moms, I have an opinion on things. I can back my opinions up with research. Some people don’t like research. We call those people morons. And, yes, that’s the scientific term for a stupid person. Because only a stupid person would think that research should be dismissed.

If everyone just does whatever they want to – with no checks and balances – the world, well, honestly, I was going to say it would be insanity, but there would be a lot of people who just wouldn’t exist. They’d be dead. Or their ancestors would be dead, so they wouldn’t be alive. So, the world, it would be less full. Empty in a sense. We all need safety nets. And the mommy wars, for better or worse, provide moms with just that: a safety net. There’s an article for everything. A post to put each mom and her opinion at ease. A thread to challenge her ideas. A comment to force her to say, “Am I the crazy one?”

So, to the mommy wars, I say: wage. Carry on. Continue. Because, like bad pop music, you’re never going to go away. Bieber fever. Backstreet Boys. New Kids on The Block. Stupidity forever. Amen.