Stop Talking About the Effing Mommy Wars

We’ve all seen it. Pretty much any “controversial” post written by a woman, regarding parenting or mom-ing, is met with a barrage of the same tired comments: “Stop the mommy wars” or “Stop fueling the mommy wars” or a variation of that notion. Today, I’m telling you to STFU about the “mommy wars”. It’s annoying. It’s anti-feminist. And it’s some serious BS.

Women who have children are “moms”. Ok, fine. Not all “moms” raise their children the same way. Not all “moms” have the same political views. Not all “moms” even have the same birth plan. This whole movement of “don’t say anything against mommy culture because we are all a support system” thing is garbage. GARBAGE.

Just because I’ve had children does not mean I am in some sort of motherhood sisterhood with you. See how stupid that sounds? “Motherhood sisterhood”, though, is really what these whackadoos want. Basically, the rules are:

1. Shut up
2. Don’t have an opinion
3. Always be happy, cheerful, nicey-nice
4. Don’t curse, ever, even if there are no children around and you are talking to adults. You’re a “mom”, for goodness sake.
5. Spend free time doing Pinterest crafts

I’m sorry, but that sounds like a fucking waste of time to me. Moms, or women as I like to call “moms” who are not my mother, are allowed to have their own thoughts, feelings, disagreements, interests, and ideas. Imagine that! The idea that the only way women will get respect is through solidarity is ridiculous, sexist, and so damaging to women in general. Women are individuals; we are not of one mind. We are not all the same. And we need to stop insisting that we all fit in the same box.

And to do that, we need to stop referring to every disagreement, different idea, and/or discussion as a “mommy war” or a “female problem”. When we try to shut other women up by “mommy war” shaming them, we’re giving others permission to dismiss our thoughts and feelings; our opinions aren’t real and don’t matter because to onlookers (see: non-moms) it’s just playground drama.

So, keep sharing your different opinions. Keep being a “non-traditional” mom. Laugh in the face of anyone who tries to shut you down because by being different or contrary, you’re “fueling the mommy wars”. If a “mom” does something so fucking stupid it makes your head want to explode (like leaving her baby in a hot car), SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Don’t let the “mommy war” bullies shut you down. They’ll call you names. They’ll say you’re the one being mean. They’ll personally attack you at the same time as they call you a “bitch”, “asshole”, “bully”, etc. See through that shit; their actions are ugly, and probably much worse than whatever it is you said about a mom being lazy (yeah, women can be lazy. SHOCKER!).

This post is not “fueling” the “mommy wars”. It’s a passionate disagreement with the term “mommy war”. If you don’t understand that, scroll on, mother-effer. Scroll on.