Hey, Baby: You’re Doing It Wrong

Today, Clark is officially 7 weeks old. And, quite frankly, I’m disappointed in him, because there are a lot of things that he’s doing wrong. For example, Exhibit A clearly shows Clark wearing his sunglasses at night. Hello, totally not appropriate. Also, he’s looking like a badass. Um, excuse me? You’re 49 days old. Get over yourself, baby boy.

Wearing sunglasses both indoors and at night are not his only issues. He’s bad at: sleeping quietly, sleeping soundly, and sleeping (at all). He also sucks at taking naps when I’m trying to eat my breakfast. Truthfully, though, he’s a beast at interrupting my coffee. He’s a total expert when it comes to being obnoxious.

Like most newborns, Clark is attempting a coup against the pacifier. Basically, the pacifier was his BFF4L, until he decided that he would prefer to suck his thumb. However, this is where the conflict really gets heated, because my little baby cannot seem to figure out where or what his thumb is.

While some may find this behavior “cute”, it is clear that those people do not have children. After 7 straight weeks of interrupted sleep, games like Mommy-Help-Me-Find-My-Thumb are just another chore. Like taking a shower. Girl, I’d rather smell and sleep, than shower and shout. Preach.

Now that I’ve gotten my bitching out of the way, let’s talk about what a great day yesterday was (while simultaneously remembering that today is a different, totally unrelated world – according to Clark).

We took Clark on a nice walk in a nearby neighborhood. Then, we took Clark to the supermarket. Having a baby is kind of like being a celebrity, because everyone squeals and stops you while you’re trying to get things done. Listen, crazies, I’m trying to work off this baby weight AND go grocery shopping. And, from how you’re acting, it’s as if you came to the supermarket just to stalk me, my husband, and my baby. Get out of my way, slow pokes.